I Am Going Already

Hostel laundry/internet cafe, Rome, 4.35pm.

Apparently Italy has had enough of me and is making life difficult in an effort to get rid of me sooner rather than later!

I decided yesterday to catch the bus from Napoli to Amalfi, then work my way back up the coast, stopping in Positano and Sorrento. Lovely. Caught the bus to Amalfi without drama, unless you count the super twisty cliff roads and the driver chatting to his mate with both hands off the wheel Italian-style. I stopped watching where we were going because it wasn't worth the panic-induced wrinkles.

The coast was absolutely gorgeous, Amalfi was pretty and lovely and the weather was perfect. However I am firstly - me, and secondly - a whinging Aussie. Therefore let's ignore the gorgeousness of it all and go back to how the Italian transport system hates me!

I missed the first bus that I planned to catch to Positano because I was in the wrong place. Hmmf. I'll have lunch in Amalfi then and gelati in Positano.

Back with plenty of time to spare to catch the bus, get on what I (and my two new Aussie friends Amy and Jerome) think is the right bus. Two teenage locals are trying to tell us that we have to walk somewhere to get to Positano. Riiiiiiight. On the bus then. It's PACKED with stinky Italian teenagers so we're standing up. The Amalfi Coast road is not the place to be standing up on a bus. Squee.

Then we stop. Somewhere. We still don't know where, but everybody got off and started walking, so we followed. Apparently there was a landslide in the tunnel so it's impassable. Knowing Italy it probably happened six years ago. So down we go into this stunning little cove and village and around the cliffs and then up again. By this stage the hill has thinned the crowd out and we're not sure where to go so my two new friends see a sign and decide that's the way to go. I KNOW, in the way that only a Marshall KNOWS that it's the wrong way. But I've only just met them and I don't want to be the pushy smug knowitall so I follow up ALLLLLLLL the stairs and hills. Eventually they realise we've gone the wrong way and we ask some locals who point us in the right direction. Walking down a little street we see the connecting bus - YAY. We look back down at where we are going and by the time we get to the bus - there is no bus. When is the next bus? Ummm an hour and a half away, we think.

Luckily we'd only just met so we all had plenty of stories to swap and the spot we got stuck waiting was BEAUTIFUL (no gelati though). We all agreed that if we had to wait for a bus for half our lifetimes, that was the place to do it. Of course it's Italy, so the bus turned up in two hours. On to Positano then.

Positano was very pretty too, but there appeared to be a lot more money around, flashier and shinier restaurants and lots of renovations happening. We had a quick coffee, grabbed some postcards, were back to wait for the bus in under an hour.

TWO HOURS LATER, the sun had gone down, it was really cold and there were about fifty people waiting for the bus. We were not impressed.

Unsurprisingly the bus turned up, every seat already filled, but with the prospect of no bus for another two hours - if ever - all fifty of us GOT ON. I think the favourite part of those at the back of the queue to get on was the COMPLETELY EMPTY bus that rocked up behind the packed one and refused to let anyone get on. I am not this person, I swear, but all the waiting and the cold and the needing to pee brought it out - I may have flipped the bird at the driver as he drove off in spacious, non-fatal emptiness.

I was one of the last to get on the bus and was literally in the back door space with my head in Jerome's armpit and hanging on for dear life around every bend and cliff edge with one twisted arm and cramping left foot. Jerome and I quickly became friends with the Canadians also sharing the door space and we all tried not to freak out when we could smell something burning. Probably the brakes.

It was around this point that I decided that that particular bus trip, getting on a bus with 99 other people on a twisting road in the evening, had gone straight into my top three Most Stupid and Dangerous Things Done While Travelling list. Never mind eating from street vendors in Thailand, don't get on a bus with 99 other people in Positano!

Luckily half the bus got off half way to Positano and we all got seats, which was actually more vomity than hanging on with one hand and my head in someone's armpit. When we finally arrived at the train station in Sorrento we hopped straight on a train and back to Naples.

And then TODAY. Got myself to the station with plenty of time for my train trip back to Rome. I have a Eurail pass, I could catch the slow train at 10.22 for free. Five minutes before the train was due to leave they put up on the screen which platform it was leaving from. 3PG. 3Pwhatnow?? I go madly dashing for where I think platform three is. Yeah it's not going from there and I now have ONE MINUTE to not just get on the train, but FIND it. At this point an old dude in a train jacket stopped me and asked where I was going. He grabbed my suitcase and took me downstairs (of course PG means DOWNSTAIRS IN THE BOWELS OF NAPOLI TRAIN HELL) only to discover that I'd missed it. He then dragged me back to the ticket office and went in and got me a seat on the 10.39 train.

The 10.39 train is the fast one, if I use my Eurail pass I can book a seat for €20. The girl only charged me €15 and the old guy took me to the right platform and made sure I knew what carriage and seat I was in. By this stage I knew that I'd have to tip him so I whipped out €5 and his response was 'No, ten.' BASTARD. Of course being the polite non-trouble maker that I am, I just squinted and flickered one eyelid before handing it over, shook his hand, said thank you and tried not to stare at the place where the other twenty of his teeth should have been. Seethed until I got on the train and then had to let it go. It's in the past, it's happened, no more help from toothy old dudes at stations!

On the plus side, got a nice train and fantastically quick trip to Rome and no hassles once I got here. Am currently getting more washing done - never mind paying toothless men for services rendered, my own filthiness is making me poor! Also on the plus side, made four new friends in Naples in with all the bus drama and am having lunch with Romeka, awesome American, tomorrow here in Rome. Yay for random strangers WITH teeth!